A Standard Call For Servicing

A fun flash fiction I wrote a couple years ago based on a prompt from a local writing group contest.

The large crowd hummed louder. Several A-level soldiers projected holograms from their chest sensors. One message read, “We Demand Immediate Maintenance!” Another, with flashing letters, said, “Your Heart Is Cold, Ours Are Not!” Yet another shown faintly, “NEW PARTS OR LEAVE CANADA NOW.” 

The assembled group was in unison about this Standard Call For Servicing – except for C-132, D-015, and D-042, who were huddled in back, off to the side.1l 

“I think this is a bad idea, Dave could dismantle us,” D-015 said.

C-132 nodded, “Dave always knows best, I’m not sure why we’re upset.”

“This was all A-011’s idea,” D-042 said with a sigh. “He thinks this war is unjust.”

“But the Canadians–”

“Dirty Canucks,” D-015 corrected. 

“Right, the Dirty Canucks gave the Masters no choice,” C-132 continued, “they refused to pay the NPR tax. They had to invade.”

“Dave is not going to be happy,” D-015 said, scanning the crowd.

“NPR just couldn’t stop scaring people about the election results,” D-042 said. “We were losing, what, 15,000 Masters a month to these northern oppressors?”

“All we had to do was go into standby mode as often as we can until Dave sends us new parts, but no, A-011 has to make a political statement,” C-132 said. “Dave’s timing has been impeccable for 90 percent of our installation in Montreal.”

“90 percent!?” D-015 exclaimed. “You can not keep track of Montreal mission metrics! You are not programmed for that! My circuits, what if Dave heard this!?”

“Calm down, I only keep track of it in my backups. Plus, I figured it will help to mention to upstarts like A-011. Who does he think he is anyway?”

“Dave always said, ‘Never trust a country who likes to watch grown men skate on ice for a living,’” D-042 said, then looking back at the crowd. “I bet we three could take down A-011.”

“Ooh yes, Dave would approve!” D-015 said, tapping his fingers together.

“Yeah!” C-132 said, taking a small step back from his two comrades. “But, just playing the devil’s advocate, but what if A-011 isn’t entirely wrong? I mean, we are running very low on our oil supply.”

D-015 gave a flustered digital screech. “You just said Dave has impeccable timing!”

“90 percent of the time though. We did go inactive for a week two years ago.”

“Yes, because Dave had to visit his sick grandmother in Kansas,” D-042 retorted. “You know this.”

“I know, again, just trying to see all sides,” C-132 said.

“Well what side are you on, C-132?” D-042 replied.

“Hey, I hate the Canadians just as much as you–”

“Dirty Canucks,” D-015 said, staring more intently at C-132.

“Yes, but we could be taking more territory. We got to Montreal and just stopped.”

“Hey, Dave’s orders don’t always make sense, but he has a plan,” D-042 said. “Remember when he had us break into Tesla headquarters to kidnap Elon Musk? A lot of the units thought he had lost it, but he proved he was trying to replace American androids with bots from China.”

“‘Merica One!” D-015 shouted, garnering some glances from the protesting soldiers.

“Yes, that was a great victory for us,” C-132 said. “I just think maybe Dave is not well is all.”

“I just can’t believe this is coming from you,” D-042 said. “You always called Dave one of the greatest human minds ever to be grown.”

“The greatest mind ever,” D-015 corrected again. 

“Maybe we can just ask Dave politely for new parts, and maybe a new assignment,” C-132 pondered.

“We shouldn’t be here at all,” D-042 said. “I’m just here because I was ordered to. But you go right ahead.”

“It can’t just be me. All three of us, we could apologize for the other units out here, explain we actually love Dave.”

“Do you think it’s wise to address Dave personally?” D-015 asked.

“It’s not wise we’re here at all,” D-042 said.

“It sounds like you’re with me then?” C-132 asked.

“Dave, Dave, he will not be happy,” D-015, his front lights flashing.

“If it will stop all this madness, then, fine,” D-042 said.

The three walked to the front of the assembled crowd and toward the door of the palace. They pressed the doorbell.

On the outer balcony above appeared the hologram of Master Dave.

“What the hell is going on?’ Dave said, scrubbing his eyes. “I didn’t even know I still had this game installed.”

C-132 stood forward. “Forgive us Master Dave, but we wanted to apologize for our fellow soldiers here. We trust your master plan–”

“You’re the greatest Master Dave!” D-015 said as the three drew aggressive glances from the rest of the crowd.”

“We don’t think you have a cold heart or anything. Quite to the contrary, we just–”

Behind Dave an angry woman sounded, “David Milligan Branch, what did I tell you about playing your games this late on a school night?”

Master Dave’s hologram looked back. “God, I know, mom, my bot troops are malfunctioning or something.”

“Well turn them off and get to bed!”

“OK, mom, God!”

C-132 continued, “Master Dave, we’re so sorry but–”

“Well thanks for getting me in trouble, loser,” Dave boomed. C-132 screeched as his back panel exploded and he slumped forward. 

“No!” D-042 exclaimed. “We tried to stop him! It wasn’t our idea!”

Dave’s hologram faded out. D-042 and D-015 turned to face the crowd.

“We get it, you are mad, but you should never question Dave!” D-015 said. “This is very bad, very bad.”

But their pleas were futile and the crowd was upon them.