A Heaven I Cannot Bear

You want me to let you go

But I must look at your face

To know what I left in the snow

The joy in your simple gaze

The future we have is warm

But I want to die in the cold

Between guilt and love I am torn

You want your husband to hold

You say choose love because I am yours’

Prisons follow me regardless

Of whether or not I’m harmless

Freedom a burden too hard to feel

My battered heart too heavy to kill

Refusing to die and refusing to live

Refusing to take and refusing to give

Numbness finally covers my soul

Yet still this internal eternal empty hole

I lay down my body in this old ring

To deny the agony of the returned King

I shrug so that I may sink

Family rushing into the creek

Whether you save me or I drown

I reject the call to the crown

May my blood fill the stream

Let me be hated by the Queen

Her attempts to love are futile

I cannot struggle for a smile

Let Death take me into the abyss

So I don’t long for her never kiss

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