I ruminate on the past because I am afraid of something negative that happened to me or that I did will happen again. So I ruminate on the future to try to find ways to plan to keep that from happening again.
All the while I’ve been missing out on the present, in which I always have got the answers to my questions on how to prevent certain behaviors or prevent certain undesirable outcomes, typically only encountering them because I missed the answers while stuck in the past or future.
It’s an old habit to try to assert control over my life, surroundings and safety, rather than trusting myself and the evolution of life, because I’ve faced and processed those fears, and because I always have good enough access to the answers I need at the time, especially now with my ability to see patterns, cycles, my future and external guidance and messages more clearly.
But it hasn’t been a matter of me letting go of fear, that didn’t work for me, as that’s just another manifestation of control. It’s a matter of fear letting go of me by facing my fears, surrendering to the consequence of my suffering and exposure to trauma, and one day at a time deepening my connection with my true self, the one who is fearless.
Clay The Scribe 